Don’t you look down there.

Keep your cursor away
from the scroll bar.

All hope is not yet lost. 
Your screen has not yet been defiled.
So, just click below and scram.
Nobody will tell your mom. 



Simply admit it: You Need Help.
So click that little mouse of yours
before it's too late...

You could do it right here:
Rescue me, please.

I Am Frightened And I Wish to Return to A Safe Place. 
Let no harm come to me.



 

 


























OK, you asked for it...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That's it, now.  You're toast....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) Rosebud is a sled. (Citizen Kane)

"I guess no word can explain a man's life..."

2) Soylent Green is people. (Soylent Green)

3) The Planet of the Apes is really Earth. (Planet of the Apes)

4) Kevin Spacey is really Keyser Soze. (The Usual Suspects)

5) Jaye Davidson is a man. (The Crying Game)

6) Forest Whitaker dies. (The Crying Game)

7) Evelyn Mulwray (Faye Dunaway) gets her eyeball blown out at the end. (Chinatown)

8) Kathryn Mulwray is Evelyn Mulwray’s daughter and her sister. (Chinatown)

9) Noah Cross (John Huston) is Evelyn Mulwray’s (Faye Dunaway) father and her lover. (Chinatown)

10) Barbara Jean (Ronee Blakely) gets assassinated by Kenny, the kid with the glasses. (Nashville)

11) Kevin Costner is really the spy, after all. (No Way Out)

12) Will Patton is a hysterical gay wacko Red Herring with a crush on his boss, Gene Hackman. (No Way Out)

13) Harrison Ford’s wife, Bonnie Bedelia, killed the babe (Greta Scacchi). (Presumed Innocent)

14) Darth Vader is Luke’s father. (Empire Strikes Back)

15) Princess Leia is Luke’s Sister. (Return of the Jedi)

16) It was all Edward G. Robinson’s dream. (The Woman in the Window)

17) Laura (Gene Tierney) is not really dead and it was Waldo Lydecker (Clifton Webb) who tried to kill her. (Laura)

18) Leland Palmer (Ray Wise) killed Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee) while he was possessed by Killer Bob. (Twin Peaks)

19) Norman Bates’ mom has been dead for some time; he dresses up like her and kills folks, including Janet Leigh and Martin Balsam. (Psycho)

20) You never find out if Pat is a man or a woman. (It’s Pat)

21) Michael Corleone’s daughter (Sofia Coppola) gets shot and killed at the opera. Michael himself keels over inauspiciously years later. (The Godfather, Part III)

22) Michael (Al Pacino) has his own brother, Fredo (John Cazale), killed. (The Godfather, Part II)

23) George and Martha have an imaginary kid that George kills off. (Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)

24) The whole Wild Bunch gets slaughtered at the end. (The Wild Bunch)

25) Emma Thompson was really Margaret Strauss and Kenneth Branagh was really Roman Strauss. Or vice-versa. (Dead Again)

26) George Amberson Minafer (Tim Holt) gets his comeuppance a thousand times over. (The Magnificent Ambersons)

27) "Louis Cyphre" (Robert DeNiro) is really the Devil. Lucifer – get it? (Angel Heart)

28) The mysterious guy is really Tom Berenger before he was in the car accident and had plastic surgery. (Shattered)

29) The Phone Company is behind it all. (The President’s Analyst)

30) Freddy Krueger, Jason, and Michael Myers are NOT REALLY DEAD at the end of every one of their many movies.

31) Everybody (and I mean EVERYBODY) is in on the Kennedy assasination coverup. (JFK)

32) Mildred Pierce is only covering for that bitch out of hell she calls a daughter. (Mildred Pierce)

33) That whole Oz affair was the result of a nasty blow to the head and never really happened. (The Wizard of Oz)

34) Carrie's arm comes out of the ground at the end and grabs Amy Irving by the wrist, but scary as it is, it's just a dream. (Carrie)

35) Bambi’s mom dies. (Bambi)

36) Simba’s dad dies. (The Lion King)

37) Julia Roberts dies at the end, thank goodness. (Steel Magnolias)

38) Debra Winger dies before the end. (Terms of Endearment)

39) Ali McGraw dies at the end. (Love Story)

40) James Caan dies at the end. (Brian's Song)

41) Robert Redford dies at the end. (Up Close and Personal)

42) Marlon Brando dies at the end. (The Godfather)

43) John Wayne dies at the end. (The Cowboys)

44) Butch and Sundance get blown to bits in Bolivia. (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid)

45) Bonnie and Clyde get shot full of holes in a field. (Bonnie and Clyde)

46) JFK is blown to bits over and over again. (JFK)

47) The rotten little brat gets blown to bits by lightning! (The Bad Seed)   Then she gets a good spanking during the end credits.

48) Linda Fiorentino is the erotic killer named Jade. (Jade)

49) Glen is Glenda. (Glen Or Glenda?)

50) Major Kong (Slim Pickens) rides the hydrogen bomb that triggers the end of the world. (Dr. Strangelove, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb)

51) The President (Henry Fonda) orders the Air Force to drop a hydrogen bomb on New York City. (Fail Safe)

52) The Q-Bomb doesn't work--or does it? (The Mouse That Roared)

53) Jack Lemmon dies at the end. (The China Syndrome)

54) Henry Fonda dies at the end. (Mr. Roberts)

55) Charlton Heston dies at the end. (The Omega Man, Earthquake)

56) William Shatner dies at the end. (Star Trek: Generations)

57) Cary Grant doesn't die at the end. (Father Goose)

58) Kris actually is Santa Claus. (Miracle On 34th Street)

59) Rambo wins, in spite of overwhelming odds. (Rambo, Rambo II, Rambo III....)

60) The plane lands safely. (Airport, Airplane!)

61) Cole (Bruce Willis) is actually the young boy who watches his future self die. (Twelve Monkeys)

62) Gwyneth Paltrow's head gets delivered to Brad Pitt in a box. (Seven)

63) When everybody dies except Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) and the shuttle leaves the mother ship, all of the Aliens are NOT dead. (Alien)

64) When the shuttle leaves the planet's surface, all of the Aliens are NOT dead. (Aliens)

65) When Ripley plummets into the flames at the end of Alien3, enough of her is still left over for her to be cloned and come back for Alien4.

66) The U.S. decides NOT to nuke Russia. (Crimson Tide)

67) James Bond (George Lazenby) marries a countess (Diana Rigg) at the end, but she's promptly killed. (On Her Majesty's Secret Service)

68) The Maltese falcon is a fake. (The Maltese Falcon)

69) Kathleen Turner stages her death in order to frame William Hurt for her murder and heads off to paradise with all the money while he rots in jail. (Body Heat)

70) Charlie Wade (Kris Kristofferson) was killed by Deputy Hollis Pogue and not by Sheriff Buddy Deeds (Matthew McConaughey). (Lone Star)

71) Sam Deeds (Chris Cooper) and Pilar (Elizabeth Pena) are not only boyfriend and girlfriend, they're brother and sister, too. (Lone Star)

72) Thelma and Louise drive off a cliff in their T-Bird at the end. (Thelma and Louise)

73) The entire movie is an enormous hallucination in the mind of a Vietnam soldier at the moment of death. (Jacob's Ladder)

74) Vincent Vega (John Travolta) is shot to death by Butch the boxer (Bruce Willis) in the middle of the movie. (Pulp Fiction)

75) Scarlett (Vivian Leigh) finally realizes that she loves Rhett (Clark Gable), but by that time he no longer gives a damn and leaves her for good. (Gone With the Wind)

76) Murder suspect Aaron Stampler (Edward Norton) killed the archbishop and convinced his defense attorney (Richard Gere) that "someone else" committed the crime. (Primal Fear)

77) Everybody gets shot by everybody else. (Reservoir Dogs)

78) The boat sinks.  (Titanic)

79) Jack (Leonardo Di Caprio) dies -- along with hundreds of other people. (Titanic)

80) Walter Matthau is the killer, not Cary Grant. (Charade)

81) Setsuko Hara decides to get married and leaves her parents/widowed mother/widowed father/extended family to deal with the consequences (Late Spring, Early Summer). By Late Autumn, she's the widowed mother who gets left.

82) Rick does not leave with Ilsa. (Casablanca).

83) Paul Newman dies, due to a "failure to communicate", despite George Kennedy's assurance of clemency. (Cool Hand Luke)

84) Robert DeNiro dies and Al Pacino, errr... doesn't, in the final climactic showdown. (Heat)

85) A lobotomized, vegetative Randall Patrick McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) is smothered to death with a pillow by the "Chief" (Will Sampson) in an act of mercy; the "Cheif" then escapes the mental institution.  (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)

86) The bomb has an epiphany and blows everyone up. (Dark Star)

87) They all become alien "pod people" -- and you're next. (Invasion of the Body Snatchers)

88) The Masked Man is gay. (Thank You Masked Man)

89) There is a heavy metal concert, and Robert Plant shakes his mighty mane. (The Song Remains the Same)

90) The suspect actually did it. (Prime Suspect I)

91) Dolores Claiborne (Kathy Bates) did not kill her employer, Vera Donovan(Judy Parfitt), but, in fact, tried to save her life. (Dolores Claiborne)

92) It remains a Mystery.  (Picnic at Hanging Rock)

93) Boy shoots dog. (Old Yeller)

94) He's not English after all. (The English Patient)

95) Nazis force her to choose which of her children will die. (Sophie's Choice)

96)  He loses. (Rocky)

97)  They all dunnit.  (Murder on the Orient Express)

98) The behavior-modification/mind-control experiment fails. (A Clockwork Orange)

99) Meryl Streep had a farm in Africa; Robert Redford dies. (Out of Africa)

100) Shelly Winters dies. (The Poseidon Adventure)

101) The entire account was an incredibly intricate improvisation crafted by Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey) during interrogation based on minute details in the room. (The Usual Suspects)  (See #4, above).

102) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern die. (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Hamlet)

103) Lassie comes home. (Lassie Come Home)

104) It's a good thing Bruce Willis brought a backup drill, as it lets him achieve movie martyrdom  by being blown to smithereens after sending his daughter and her lover off the hurtling asteroid to safety and wedded bliss on a no-longer-imperiled Earth. (Armageddon)

105) Charlie wins; Veruca Salt dies. (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

106) Catherine Trammell (Sharon Stone) is the killer. (Basic Instinct)

107) William Gates injures his ankle and is never the same; Arthur Agee is the one who achieves success his senior year. (Hoop Dreams)

108) Nicole Kidman's the killer. (Malice)

109) Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock) dies at the end of Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan.

110) Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock) lives at the end of Star Trek III - TheSearch for Spock.

111) The humpback whales are extinct at the begining of Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home.

112) The humpback whales are not extinct at the end of Star Trek IV - TheVoyage Home.

113) Anna Karina is not infamous, she is a woman.  (Une femme est une femme).

114) Lindsey Brigman(Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) dies... But only for about 10 minutes. Virgil "Bud" Brigman(Ed Harris) is rescued from certain death after disarming the nuke by aliens who then expose themselves to the US Navy. (The Abyss)

115) Denzel Washington dies at the end... And Azazel doesn't.  (Fallen)

116) Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell)'s boyfriend Billy Loomis (Skeet Ulrich) and Stuart Macher( Mathew Lillard) are the killers.  (Scream)

117) Debbie Salt (Laurie Metcalf), Billy Loomis' mother, and Mickey the creepy Tarantino film student (Timothy Olyphant) are the killers.  PS.  Randy Meeks (Jamie Kennedy) dies.  (Scream 2)

118) It really is a game, all sponsored by Nicholas Van Orton(Michael Douglas)'s brother, Conrad (Sean Penn).  (The Game)

 

 

 

And now, we present you with your final options:

A. I am shattered and in despair, not unlike Scotty (James Stewart) at the end of Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo, after Kim Novak really plummets off the mission belltower to her death (because the first time was just staged to cover up Gavin's murder of his wife).  God help me.  Get me out of here. B. I am strangely exhilarated by my oh-so-bitter taste of the Forbidden Fruit of Film Knowledge.  I am sorely tempted, therefore, to reserve my own special place in Movie Hell by contributing further shocking and horrifying revelations to the list above; all I need do is click the address below to instantly send e-mail to:
moviehell@cinepad.com.  Because my will is weak, I will check back periodically to see how the list of atrocities has grown...

And now, I am spent.  Take me somewhere else...

 

 

Well, don't say we didn't warn you...

 

 

Jeeem extends special thanks to those brave souls who have risked (or perhaps ensured) Eternal Damnation by contributing their two cents to The Forbidden List above.  At least Movie Hell won't be so lonely. Among those wiseacres who daringly revealed their identities along with their submissions are: Glenn Cummings, Jeffrey Kaplan, Kevin Gunn, Simon Parsons,   Eric Piercey, Norm Cohen, F. Dylan Ashford, Paul Roub, Jeff Greenlee, Pamela Curry, Chris York, Marc Shapiro, Chuck Johnston, Joe D. Richardson, Adam Bonin, Daffyd Woodrow Rockerick, Paul Miller, Malek, Fabiene Caroulle...

Now it's your turn...

moviehell@cinepad.com

 

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